A Wife’s Submission in the Cosmic Plan of Christ

“I believe wives should be submissive to their husbands. And so do you. See? We’re the same.”

My neighbor was mistaken.

Her argument is quite common. Living overseas, we often hear people drawing the same conclusion when they compare the traditionally conservative values of world religions. “See? We’re the same.”

Early on in our time here in Dubai, I was confronted with this question: How can I help my neighbor see a difference in the hope that I have if my submission to my husband seems to her as “the same”?

Instead of agreeing that all of our virtues and conservative values are signposts on different roads going up the same mountain, I see an opportunity to give a defense of my faith with gentleness and respect.

The Bible defines a wife’s submission to her husband in terms that describe its motive, means, and end as distinctly and uniquely Christian. For my own joy as well, I love to share about the cosmic plan of Christ to be exalted as Head over all things and how this shapes the way I view my submission to my husband.

The penal substitutionary death of Jesus Christ, his resurrection from the dead, and his subsequent exaltation above every name changes how we view our roles in marriage because, indeed, it changes everything. Neither wives nor husbands can understand our respective callings to submission and leadership in Ephesians 5:21–24 without first submitting to the cosmos-ruling Christ of Ephesians 1:9–10, and 1:20–23.

Andreas J. Köstenberger explained it this way: “To the extent that a married couple sees itself as part of the global eschatological movement toward ‘summing up all things in Christ’ (Ephesians 1:9), it will experience fulfillment and share the perspective on marriage Paul presents in the passage at hand (Ephesians 5:28–32).”

When I consider submission as anything less than my whole-hearted participation in Jesus’ plan to be head over all things, my vision for submission is myopic. In this distorted view, glorifying my husband above all things becomes my goal (and the goal that I fall short of). The motive and end for my submission, when applied in this errant way, are husband-centered. Then my grudging attitude and embittered lip-service to my husband’s leadership demonstrates how quickly I take my eyes off of Christ’s purposes in the world and in my home.

The arguments for submission based on pragmatics and traditionalism stop short of leading me to rely on future grace and fail to infuse joy in its application. I’ve seen how meditating on the big picture theology of God’s cosmic plans fills my heart with hope and wonder and drops right into my apartment.

Considering my submission to my husband as part of the epic plan of God has changed the way I view my life in the home. Because no authority on earth precedes Jesus’ authority, I understand submission does not mean that every decision my husband makes is to be infallibly followed. In fact, a husband’s authority is limited to those areas that please Christ (that is, a wife is not called to follow her husband into sin or to simply endure his sinful behaviors).

I am blessed with a godly husband, but there are still moments when I feel like submission to my husband is difficult, and in those moments I remember my submission (like the church’s submission) is as to Jesus. Jesus’ leadership and rule over me is self-giving and cruciform, so I can trust the Lord in those moments and exalt Jesus as I submit to my husband’s Christ-honoring leadership.

What a grace God has given wives to participate in his plan to reconcile all things to himself (1 Corinthians 15:28)! Meditating on Jesus’ headship over the cosmos also gives weight to my witness of the ultimate worth of Jesus Christ both locally in my home and on the cosmic stage. By grace through faith, my submission is a Christ-exalting endeavor as our children and neighbors look on and (Lord-willing) notice a difference in my submission.

As a Christian wife delights herself in the Lord and submits to her husband by faith, she can rest knowing that it is God himself who is working in her, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. God’s good pleasure to exalt Jesus above every name overflows into our own hearts as we make him our treasure. We exult in God’s mercy to sinful husbands and wives as he has put all things under King Jesus’ feet and given him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all (Ephesians 1:22–23).

While many cultures around the world base their belief in a wife’s submission to her husband in their own societal traditions, gender inequality, pragmatism, and religion, the claims of Christianity make our perspective quite different. As we read in God’s word, the motive, means, and end of a wife’s submission to her own husband are distinctly Christian. Distinctly Christian submission is grounded in the eschatological premise of Jesus Christ’s supremacy over all creation. Christ is putting the cosmos back in order and this includes restoring God’s original pre-fall design for marriage.

The means of this submission is exclusively by grace through faith as a Christian wife is led and empowered by the Holy Spirit. And the aim of a wife’s submission to her husband is always to exalt Jesus Christ, the Head, who is far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come (Ephesians 1:21).

Jesus sustains and upholds the universe by the word of his power. All created things exist in him and for him and through him. With Jesus as our Chief Cornerstone (Ephesians 2:20), we are called out of the world to be the household of God in Christ by the Spirit. By grace we are grafted “into Christ” and called to submit our lives to his kingly reign over all things. All of life becomes a sacrifice of praise to Jesus and his glorious grace for all eternity, including a wife’s submission to her own husband.

This post is part of a larger study of marriage in light of Christ’s finished work. Here's the entire series —

Tony Reinke, blog post, “Marriage in the Cosmic Plan of God”Tony Reinke, article (PDF), “Marriage in the Cosmic Plan of God,” The Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (Fall, 2012)Gloria Furman, blog post, “A Wife’s Submission in the Cosmic Plan of Christ”Authors on the Line, podcast, “Marriage on the Cosmic Stage: An Interview with Bible Scholar G. K. Beale”Luma Sims, blog post, “We Are the Second Eve”

Beautiful Submission

It's easy to tell a woman to submit, or to tell a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church, but it can be excruciating to live out. It's easy to throw these Bible verses around like the rock in David's sling hoping to knock down that Goliath of 'My Way.'

In a marriage, there's a lot of submission and a lot of loving that's supposed to be going on. But who wants to serve, who wants to sacrifice, who wants to lay down their life for another? Who wants to humble themselves for the good of another human?

The answer: Jesus Christ.

I remember when submission was first presented to me as something I must do in order to be obedient and godly. I kicked against it. Because it wasn’t taught to me through the gospel, all I could see was subjugation. I had all kinds of arguments to throw against it; you just couldn't talk to me about submission.

How can you talk to a person about submission when they don't have a good grasp of the Godhead and are hazy minded about who God is?

We can't fully comprehend the beauty of headship and submission until we have a sober understanding of who God is: the true God, the Triune God . . . Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

It is never wise to start with what is required of man. We must start with who God is, proceed to what he has done and only then can we coherently speak to what is required of us. It is at these junctures where we find out just how important it is for us all to understand the doctrine of the trinity.

What brought me to faithful submission to my husband was not a “how to be a better wife” book. It was an understanding of the person and cross work of Christ. It was the gospel being pressed into every corner of my being.

Romans 8:29 says, “For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son.” If I am to be conformed to the image of Christ I need to know what his characteristics are so that through abiding in him and walking in the Spirit I can approximate the image of Christ in this life. If I am to live in relationship to others, I need to know how Christ lives within the trinity and among men.

One of the things Christ says about himself is, “take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart” (Matthew 11:29). Paul writes in Philippians 2:5–8,

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Who is Christ? He is God the Son.

What is he like? Gentle, humble in heart, equal with God, in human form.

What did he do? He did not grasp for his equality but instead humbled himself to become obedient to the point of death on a cross.

Who was he obedient to? God the Father with whom he had, and has, equality.

How does this instruct me as I seek to live my life like Christ?

Kathy Keller says in The Meaning of Marriage, “Both women and men get to 'play the Jesus role' in marriage — Jesus in his sacrificial authority, Jesus in his sacrificial submission.”

As a wife I see my role in relationship to Christ in the words of the Apostle Paul: “I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3).

As a woman I already have a Jesus role — the sacrificial gifting of my submission to my husband. Should I try to “grasp” for his “Jesus role?” Should I try to swap my Jesus role for his? To what end? If Jesus being equal with God did not grasp for his equality but instead submitted himself to the plan and will of the Father, should I as my husband's equal “grasp” for mine? How can that possibly transform me into the image of Christ?

To understand any of our roles we first have to understand the Godhead. Only then will any of this stuff make sense. Only then will it be shown that these roles are not cultural or social constructs but part of the warp and weft of objective reality.

 

Is a Wife's Submission Culturally Outdated?

In our egalitarian culture, the debate over a wife’s submission to her husband is not going away anytime soon. Of course we start with Scripture, and the Bible is clear in calling the first-century Greco-Roman wife to submit to her own husband (Ephesians 5:22, 24, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1). But is this command now applicable to 21st-century Christian wives?

Many say no, and one opposing argument goes something like this:

Paul commanded Greco-Roman slaves to submit themselves to their masters (Ephesians 6:5, Colossians 3:22, 1 Peter 2:18). It is in those same contexts that Paul commands a woman to submit herself to her husband (Ephesians 5:22, 24, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1). Therefore, since these words to slaves and wives comprise one unified Greco-Roman household structure, and since a slave’s submission has obviously passed away, therefore the call for a wife to submit has likewise ended.

To respond requires that we take a careful look at both the theology of slavery and the theology of marriage — which is what Everett Berry does in a 2008 journal article critiquing the egalitarian views of Gordon Fee. Berry writes the following:

When Paul addresses slavery, he instructs believers on how to emulate a Christ-like spirit. We see this in his admonishment to Philemon as a slave owner to forgive and receive his former servant Onesimus back as a brother (Philemon 16). Obviously this makes perfect sense because this is a virtue that is indicative of all believers regardless of whether they are slaves or masters. Likewise, in another setting Paul claims believing slaves have permission to obtain their freedom if the opportunity presents itself (1 Corinthians 7:21–22). For Paul then, choosing to become or remain a slave is optional for believers, but the proper conduct as a Christian slave is not.

This means Fee is right to assert that Paul did not endorse slavery as a practice. He instructed believers on how to live in relation to it. What Fee refuses to acknowledge, however, is that Paul never claims that Greco-Roman slavery has its institutional roots in the theological fibers of creation or eschatological expectation. Only the family and the church are described as such (e.g., 1 Corinthians 11:7–9; Ephesians 5:31; 1 Timothy 2:12–15) because marital and ecclesiological concerns have theological strings attached to them that slavery does not.

When it comes to marriage, for example, Paul does not speak to husbands and wives in the same way he does to slaves or masters. He does not endorse a husband seeking freedom from his wife or vice versa in the same way that he advises Christian slaves to possibly obtain release (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:21, 27). Nor does he call a master the head of his slave as Christ is the head of the church, or command slaves to obey their masters as the church obeys Christ.

But he clearly interprets the marriage relationship with such constructs. Husbands typify Christ by sacrificially loving their wives, and wives typify the church by following their husbands. And as they do so, the balance between leadership and trust not only highlights the original reciprocation that Adam and Eve forfeited, but it also points to the unending submission that the church will experience under Christ’s headship (Ephesians 5:24–25). The eternal relationship that Christ will always have with his people is to be exemplified currently through the temporal relationship between husbands and wives.*

In other words, Paul does not root Greco-Roman slavery in creation or in eschatology. But the marriage pattern is clearly rooted in both. Thus, the Christian complementary relationship between husband and wife is established by God in a way that the Greco-Roman hierarchical relationship between slaves and masters is not. Therefore, Paul’s message to Christian husbands and wives remains timeless and valid. Paul treats marriage and slavery differently.

Meanwhile, some Christian men and women may believe submission is intuitively correct because it is a practice rooted in traditional American culture (rather than in Scripture). That would be a wrong basis. And submission may emerge out of a chauvinism or kind of patriarchalism that believes men are superior to women. And that most certainly contradicts the equality of men and women in God’s eyes. Worse, submission may be abused by men who use it as permission to abuse their wives. Such men are acting from cowardice, and not from the Christ-like sacrifice and love the gospel calls for.

But in the end, a wise wife will not take her cues about submission from ancient Greco-Roman cultural history. She will find her conviction rooted in something that stretches back to the beginning of time and that stretches into a future beyond her. And that is where a conviction about submission is to be found. In Scripture submission is embedded in the marriage pattern established in the pre-fall marriage of Adam and Eve, and remains to this day a bold and counter-cultural drama to our watching world of the Church’s submission to Christ.

 

Is a Wife's Submission Culturally Outdated?

In our egalitarian culture, the debate over a wife’s submission to her husband is not going away anytime soon. Of course we start with Scripture, and the Bible is clear in calling the first-century Greco-Roman wife to submit to her own husband (Ephesians 5:22, 24, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1). But is this command now applicable to 21st-century Christian wives?

Many say no, and one opposing argument goes something like this:

Paul commanded Greco-Roman slaves to submit themselves to their masters (Ephesians 6:5, Colossians 3:22, 1 Peter 2:18). It is in those same contexts that Paul commands a woman to submit herself to her husband (Ephesians 5:22, 24, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1). Therefore, since these words to slaves and wives comprise one unified Greco-Roman household structure, and since a slave’s submission has obviously passed away, therefore the call for a wife to submit has likewise ended.

To respond requires that we take a careful look at both the theology of slavery and the theology of marriage — which is what Everett Berry does in a 2008 journal article critiquing the egalitarian views of Gordon Fee. Berry writes the following:

When Paul addresses slavery, he instructs believers on how to emulate a Christ-like spirit. We see this in his admonishment to Philemon as a slave owner to forgive and receive his former servant Onesimus back as a brother (Philemon 16). Obviously this makes perfect sense because this is a virtue that is indicative of all believers regardless of whether they are slaves or masters. Likewise, in another setting Paul claims believing slaves have permission to obtain their freedom if the opportunity presents itself (1 Corinthians 7:21–22). For Paul then, choosing to become or remain a slave is optional for believers, but the proper conduct as a Christian slave is not.

This means Fee is right to assert that Paul did not endorse slavery as a practice. He instructed believers on how to live in relation to it. What Fee refuses to acknowledge, however, is that Paul never claims that Greco-Roman slavery has its institutional roots in the theological fibers of creation or eschatological expectation. Only the family and the church are described as such (e.g., 1 Corinthians 11:7–9; Ephesians 5:31; 1 Timothy 2:12–15) because marital and ecclesiological concerns have theological strings attached to them that slavery does not.

When it comes to marriage, for example, Paul does not speak to husbands and wives in the same way he does to slaves or masters. He does not endorse a husband seeking freedom from his wife or vice versa in the same way that he advises Christian slaves to possibly obtain release (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:21, 27). Nor does he call a master the head of his slave as Christ is the head of the church, or command slaves to obey their masters as the church obeys Christ.

But he clearly interprets the marriage relationship with such constructs. Husbands typify Christ by sacrificially loving their wives, and wives typify the church by following their husbands. And as they do so, the balance between leadership and trust not only highlights the original reciprocation that Adam and Eve forfeited, but it also points to the unending submission that the church will experience under Christ’s headship (Ephesians 5:24–25). The eternal relationship that Christ will always have with his people is to be exemplified currently through the temporal relationship between husbands and wives.*

In other words, Paul does not root Greco-Roman slavery in creation or in eschatology. But the marriage pattern is clearly rooted in both. Thus, the Christian complementary relationship between husband and wife is established by God in a way that the Greco-Roman hierarchical relationship between slaves and masters is not. Therefore, Paul’s message to Christian husbands and wives remains timeless and valid. Paul treats marriage and slavery differently.

Meanwhile, some Christian men and women may believe submission is intuitively correct because it is a practice rooted in traditional American culture (rather than in Scripture). That would be a wrong basis. And submission may emerge out of a chauvinism or kind of patriarchalism that believes men are superior to women. And that most certainly contradicts the equality of men and women in God’s eyes. Worse, submission may be abused by men who use it as permission to abuse their wives. Such men are acting from cowardice, and not from the Christ-like sacrifice and love the gospel calls for.

But in the end, a wise wife will not take her cues about submission from ancient Greco-Roman cultural history. She will find her conviction rooted in something that stretches back to the beginning of time and that stretches into a future beyond her. And that is where a conviction about submission is to be found. In Scripture submission is embedded in the marriage pattern established in the pre-fall marriage of Adam and Eve, and remains to this day a bold and counter-cultural drama to our watching world of the Church’s submission to Christ.

_____________________

For more on the beauty and joy of a gospel-reflecting marriage see John Piper’s, Desiring God (Multnomah, 2011), 205–221. See also John Piper's sermons, "The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission" (2007), and "Lionhearted and Lamblike: The Christian Husband as Head" (2007).

* Everett Berry, “Complementarianism and Eschatology: Engaging Gordon Fee’s ‘New Creation’ Egalitarianism [PDF],” Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, 13.2 (Fall 2008), 64–65.